LOOK AT US

Did you know that the traditional symbol representing a 10th wedding anniversary is tin or aluminum? Tin represents durability and pliability – that over the years your marriage has been tested many times over – bending in various directions but not broken.

This reminded me of the story of the Tin Can [Mail] Island, an active volcano home to the people of Niuafo’ou. The story begins back in 1882 when a plantation farmer desperate for any kind of communication with the outside world, came up with an ingenious plan to receive mail in the Island. Because Niuafo’ou is nothing more than just a tip of a volcano with no harbor or beaches, Ocean Liners passing by wouldn’t be able to drop anchor or land. Even for a small rowing boat. Thus, creating the invention of the Tin Can Mail.

Mail arriving in these Ocean Liners came sealed inside a 40lb biscuit tin as a form of waterproof mail containers. The workers on the boat would throw these containers overboard, and then the Island’s fishermen would begin to swim out in the dangerous shark-infested waters using a long fau pole to collect the mail.

In stormy weather, the strong currents meant that the fishermen would struggle to swim for almost 6hrs to retrieve mail that was thrown only a mile offshore. As such, over the years they came up with different ideas to improve how to retrieve mail from sea.

I’d like to think that within these past 10years of being married, our marriage often depicts the story of the Tin Can Mail. We’re always learning to readjust, realign and reevaluate various ingenious plans to help navigate our family. Sometimes, it feels like we’re swimming for hours on end just to reach something that’s only a “mile offshore”. Feeling tired and defeated, the easy option has always been to just give up, but being married to a guy like Paane, giving up is not an option!

Over the years – during our anniversary – I’ve shared life lessons learned during our marriage. You’ll see that the theme of these life lessons has always been that: I married up! 🙂

10. With just days before closing on our home, Paane got fired from his job. He worked in an area that was predominantly white, so he became a victim of racial profiling. He was told by management and HR that he was being let go for rumors being told that he was a “drug dealer”. Yes – you read that right. Drug dealer. You guys, I heard this, and my immediate reaction was just to crawl into a corner, cry and just give up! There was no way we were able to close on our home – but Paane never gave up and we were able to still close. His ingenious tin-can-mail-like plans have continued to save us many times over.

9. We often go over budget on things because of him. If you’ve ever received a gift from us that was expensive, or in monetary form – just know that its only made possible because of Paane. And if you’ve ever received a gift from us that was homemade – mind yo business and know that I made that with love! lol

8. We don’t do favoritisms when it comes to the kids…ahem… lol But Paane has a soft spot for his Princess Luna. A couple of weeks ago, they had a disagreement that left Luna in tears. Because he was rushing to get to work, he wasn’t able to resolve the issue with her and they both left being mad at each other. Paane in our marriage isn’t one to leave a conflict unresolved, I do that all by myself lol I’ll give him the silent treatment – and won’t talk to him for several days. So, I knew he wasn’t going to leave to work without trying to resolve some kind of resolution with Luna. He came back into the house and tried and because she’s as stubborn as me, he left to work feeling defeated. I tried to help become the mediator, so when he got to work, I FaceTimed him so that Luna can apologize. Imagine this grown man, sitting in his work truck and his daughter uttering the words, “I’m sorry Dad!” It’s those three little words that will have a grown man sobbing in his work truck lol

Thank you, Paane for being so quick to forgive & forget, because sometimes it literally takes me days to even recognize I’m in the wrong. lol

7. Missionaries are his favorite people on earth! If he sees them walking, driving or biking he makes an effort to say hi, wave or even honk at them lol Maybe it’s because I didn’t serve a mission or have a missionary son out yet – but I oftentimes don’t share his compassion for them  *i know, I know.. lol* The biggest adjustment for me has been learning to just shut my mouth when I see him take out his wallet and empty all of our cash for them lol or that one time, he asked me to buy them McDonald’s and I chose to ignore his request – and as I turned around, he’s swallowing back tears as he said, “What if that was my sister serving in the Philippines?” Needless to say, we bought them each a gift certificate to eat at McDonalds lol I know the blessings we’ve received today is only made possible because my Husband is the way he is and has a heart  of gold! If it was based on mines…. that’s a different story 

6. He has this innate ability to love, and to love hard! If you’ve come in contact with him, you’ll soon realize that whatever he has — he will freely give to you. Mi casa es tu casa.

5. He also isn’t shy to hustle for a deal when it comes to purchasing things lol I’m always flabbergasted with his timing because he’ll choose to ask the McDonald’s worker (a random one at that!) for an employee discount after ordering $35 worth of food!  You best believe I’m squirming in my seat wishing there was a giant hole next to me that i can just fall into! lol

4. When we first got married, I couldn’t work because I didn’t have a visa. So, Paane provided for us financially. I saw him working various jobs and graveyard shifts for minimum wage collecting trash at our local hospital to be able to provide for us. No job was ever too small or insignificant for him if it meant providing for his family.

3. Every Sunday I’d wait for him after church (most times in the car, for 20mins or more!) while he talks to EVERY single person at church! He’s such a social butterfly . He’ll get in the car and tell me, “Hun, did you know your Aunty so and so came to church today?” Annoyed that he took so long I’d often reply, “Oh good to know. I’m sure she’ll be there next week ”

2. I’ve often joked that I hate… hmm hate is a strong word lol I don’t like children lol I have no choice but to love mines, because I mean, they’re mines!  Lol but, I really don’t have the patience to deal with them. Paane will volunteer to watch/carry/babysit everybody’s kids because he genuinely enjoys being around them.

1. There’s no such thing as shortcut when it comes to the Lord. We struggled as newlyweds living paycheck to paycheck because Paane worked a minimum wage job, which meant we were going to rely solely on his income. Most times when it came to paying fast offering, I usually suggest just paying the exact minimum amount we would use for the missed meals, so that we can have left over money on hand. But he has often reminded me numerous times that if we pay a “generous” amount the Lord will be generous with His blessings. We’ve personally seen the fruits of those blessings when we pay a generous fast offering.

As always – see you in a year lol 🙂

Have you ever heard your Dad yell from the living room that it scared you so much, you knew the belt or the broom was immediately going to follow? lol That was a familiar sound my Husband knew, and when his Dad yelled for him that one particular morning, Paane immediately jolted from the room and went to sit in the living room. ‘Ofa had heard about a quarrel between Paane and Stan a few days ago, and wasn’t very pleased about how it all went down. I don’t necessarily remember what those two fought about, but if you know my husband you’ll know his mouth often gets him his way or gets him in trouble… and this was because of the latter.

Stan sat on his big chair, quiet not even saying a word while Paane sat on the ground, with a face so down it literally could’ve dragged him down too. lol It didn’t matter to ‘Ofa what either of those two fought about, but because Paane was younger, he basically was given a stern reminder from his Dad that no matter what happens in this lifetime, he was to respect Stan as his older brother.

I remember sitting in the living room, annoyed at Stan that he didn’t have the audacity to speak and apologize because if I had daggers flying from my eyes, it would’ve done some serious damage to Stan. lol That was the only time I ever felt any animosity towards him, and would have been the last time too.

A few weeks ago, I had reminded Paane about this particular experience and how annoyed I was at Stan, but to my surprise, Paane had no recollection of it – and that speaks volume about the type of person he is. He doesn’t like to linger on things and oftentimes chooses to overlook everyones flaws. I, on the other hand, always had that mentality of “before you do me wrong, make sure you don’t need me again!” type of grudge lol But when it came to Stan, no one could even hold that against him.

Stan made a life of his own here in Utah that lasted several years, and in those years he always made fun of my cooking. “Wow Tita, chicken everyday?” lol It’s probably why, I especially don’t care to cook for his family, because he always had some critique to it. “Oh man, that’s hecka good, it just needs a little bit of salt!” or “I wish this had more black pepper or cheese …” And for a guy that loves to critique food so much, not once have I ever seen Stan cook in the kitchen! lol He had a way of getting things without lifting a finger to do much. lol Thats a skill I hope Baby Stan inherits.

In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, Paane and I decided that since this was going to be our last baby, I was going to give him his name. I tossed between a couple of names, and eventually settled on a particular name I loved. He was going to carry a name that belonged to my family for generations, and was of someone I loved so dearly! But in that moment when the nurse handed me my baby, I wept in silence because I knew in that instant that he was going to be named after his late Uncle Stan. He has showed me nothing but love since being married to Paane, and it only seemed fitting that 2months later on the same exact day we laid Uncle Stan to rest, I gave birth to a scrumptious beautiful baby boy who now not only carries his name but his legacy as well.

Whether Baby Stan grows up to be a Barber, or a GreenBay Packers fan, I want him to know that his Uncle Stan touched a lot of lives and was evident on this day a year ago. Friends and family travelled from afar to bid him farewell, and spoke of how much influence he had in their lives. I want him to grow up and know that his Uncle Stan lived life to the fullest, and that he can too!

Thank you Sitani, for allowing me the privilege of naming Baby Stan after you. Until that glorious morning, when we see you smile – watch over us.

Today, Paane and I celebrate 8 long years of marriage together.

You guys, Eight!! wow.

Last year I shared 7 life lessons I’ve learned since being married to Paane and so today, I’m adding my 8th (because you care lol). We may see the world differently, but we long for the same – eternity is the goal.

If anything after 8 years, our aim isn’t to be right but to love.

8. We don’t do favoritisms when it comes to the kids…ahem… lol But Paane has a soft spot for his Princess Luna. A couple of weeks ago, they had a disagreement that left Luna in tears. Because he was rushing to get to work, he wasn’t able to resolve the issue with her and they both left being mad at each other. Paane in our marriage isn’t one to leave a conflict unresolved, I do that all by myself lol I’ll give him the silent treatment – and won’t talk to him for several days. So I knew he wasn’t going to leave to work without trying to resolve some kind of resolution with Luna. He came back into the house and tried and because she’s as stubborn as me, he left to work feeling defeated. I tried to help become the mediator, so when he got to work, I FaceTimed him so that Luna can apologize. Imagine this grown man, sitting in his work truck and his daughter uttering the words, “I’m sorry Dad!” It’s those three little words that will have a grown man sobbing in his work truck lol

Thank you, Paane for being so quick to forgive & forget, because sometimes it literally takes me days to even recognize I’m in the wrong. 😉

7. Missionaries are his favorite people on earth! If he sees them walking, driving or biking he makes an effort to say hi, wave or even honk at them lol Maybe it’s because I didn’t serve a mission or have a missionary son out yet – but I oftentimes don’t share his compassion for them *i know, I know.. lol* The biggest adjustment for me has been learning to just shut my mouth when I see him take out his wallet and empty all of our cash for them lol or that one time he asked me to buy them McDonald’s and I chose to ignore his request – and as I turned around he’s swallowing back tears as he said “What if that was my sister serving in the Philippines?” Needless to say, we bought them each a gift certificate to eat at McDonalds lol I know the blessings we’ve received today is only made possible because my Husband is the way he is and has a heart of gold! If it was based on mines…. that’s a different story

6. He has this innate ability to love, and to love hard! If you’ve come in contact with him, you’ll soon realize that whatever he has — he will freely give to you. Mi casa es tu casa.

5. He also isn’t shy to hustle for a deal when it comes to purchasing things lol I’m always flabbergasted with his timing because he’ll choose to ask the McDonald’s worker (a random one at that!) for an employee discount after ordering $35 worth of food! You best believe I’m squirming in my seat wishing there was a giant hole next to me that i can just fall into! lol

4. When we first got married, I couldn’t work because I didn’t have a visa. So, Paane provided for us financially. I saw him working various jobs and graveyard shifts for minimum wage collecting trash at our local hospital to be able to provide for us. No job was ever too small or insignificant for him if it meant providing for his family.

3. Every Sunday I’d wait for him after church (most times in the car, for 20mins or more!) while he talks to EVERY single person at church! He’s such a social butterfly . He’ll get in the car and tell me, “Hun, did you know your Aunty so and so came to church today?” Annoyed that he took so long I’d often reply, “Oh good to know. I’m sure she’ll be there next week ”

2. I’ve often joked that I hate… hmm hate is a strong word lol I don’t like children lol I have no choice but to love mines, because I mean, they’re mines! Lol but, I really don’t have the patience to deal with them. Paane will volunteer to watch/carry/babysit everybody’s kids because he genuinely enjoys being around them.

1. There’s no such thing as shortcut when it comes to the Lord. We struggled as newly weds living pay check to pay check because Paane worked a minimum wage job, which meant we were going to rely solely on his income. Most times when it came to paying fast offering, I usually suggest just paying the exact minimum amount we would use for the missed meals, so that we can have left over money on hand. But, he has often reminded me numerous times that if we pay a “generous” amount the Lord will be generous with His blessings. We’ve personally seen the fruits of those blessings when we pay a generous fast offering.

Happy anniversary Paane! I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else but you. Love you forever.

Christmas was probably my most favorite holiday, until I moved to America and discovered Thanksgiving! lol Growing up in ‘Eua, my siblings and I always looked forward to our Primary activity, toli ‘akau. This is where all the primary kids get to bring their Christmas Trees to the chapel and we get to dance, eat, open presents and the best part – we get to take down our tree decorations! Because no one was able to afford a fake Christmas tree, most of the homes in ‘Eua would just cut down branches or small trees to set up as their Christmas tree. In fact, the Spruce, Pine or Fir trees often used for Christmas trees weren’t found in our village, so most homes just made use of whatever was on hand with easy access, oftentimes, a random weed growing nearby. Once the tree was up, we had all kinds of chips, candy, balloons and even money adorned as ornaments! Which is why, taking down decorations became my most favorite part about the activity.

We didn’t have enough money to buy everyone presents under the tree, so whatever chips and candy my parents decorated our tree with was what we got for Christmas every year.

My Mom always made sure we didn’t fee like we were without, so she would make our Christmas trees from things we had laying around the house. My most favorite was using my Dad’s green fishing net and filling it in with green balloons. We then hung it from the ceiling to create the illusion of a Christmas Tree. I thought it was the most beautiful Christmas tree I’d ever seen!

Since we’ve been married, Paane and I have decided that every year that we’re home celebrating Christmas and aren’t traveling, we would forgo buying a Christmas Tree and instead find creative ways to create/make one.  The first year we celebrated Christmas at home, we were gifted our very own white Christmas tree from Paane’s parents for Sosaia’s first Christmas. I don’t know what happened to that tree, between moving houses and states, I figured it was probably one of the first things that we gifted away to someone in need.

We’re not going to be home for Christmas this year, but the kids really wanted a tree to complete the whole ‘White Christmas’ experience. They ask everyday whether its going to snow here in Arizona and I see the disappointment in their eyes when I tell them we live in the desert lol We ventured out to our own backyard and found a dead tree branch for our white Christmas tree this year. We added leaves made from coffee filters to give it our White Christmas tree!

What I love about this tradition is that I don’t get to constantly tell my kids to stop touching the tree! They re-decorate it everyday lol They use it at night as their imaginary tree house and camp under it with their tablets watching movies. These are the memories I want them to remember!

Merry Christmas from the Tonga’s. xo

 

It only seems fitting to explain the name of my domain today, Fefine ‘o Falehanga [dot.com], given that this week is #TonganLanguageWeek

It began when I had the opportunity in graduate school to write a research paper exploring the relationship between the informal economy and sustainable livelihoods in Tonga, particularly as a Tongan Female ‘artist’.

“Fa’ala fakatau ki he mui’ulu”

The proverb refers to when one is to feel round for head lice but eventually won’t find most of them anywhere else but at the back of the head. This Tongan proverb encapsulates my story as a Tongan researcher at the time.

Growing up in Tonga most of the women in my family sustained their livelihoods through the making and selling of their koloa (wealth items) to their kinship relations living abroad. These koloa are made in the form of ngatu (tapa cloth), fihu (fine mats), traditional fala (mats), ta’ovala fau (waistband made of pandanus leaf), ta’ovala nge’esi niu (waistband made of coconut shell), kato alu (woven ceremonial basket), and hau nge’esi niu (coconut shell earrings).

Its significant contribution to family income was not obvious to me as a young girl in Tonga, until my family and I moved to New Zealand. Being employed in waged work meant that there is a consistency in income earned for the family and I quickly saw the vast difference between the making and selling of koloa to being employed in waged work.

“Fa’ala fakatau ki he mui’ulu” is interpreted by Tongans to mean that when searching for something you will only find it where you knew it was. Likewise was with my journey. Thus, when the opportunity came for me to embark on this particular research, it meant that if I wanted to truly know of the significance of these women’s work I will have to go looking at the place I knew I would find it. In so doing, I traveled back home searching for those answers.

I titled my research paper, “Fafine ‘o Falehanga: An Exploration of Female Artists in Tonga”.  Fafine is plural denoting many persons, thus translating to women. Falehanga is the place where women produce traditional goods and handicrafts. This is equivalent of a faleoko where men store yams and other garden food whilst working in tokanga (land allotment in the bush). Often the falehanga is a place where the women gather together to lalanga (weave) their koloa, while they talk or sing. The spacious room becomes a place where they have a shared understanding of their purpose and a spirit of commitment. It is a place that gives a sense of belonging to a group, with an obligation to a task, are cultivated and maintained among Tongan mothers.

Falehanga consists of two words, fale meaning house and hanga is a type of measurement the women used to measure how far long they have weaved a mat. The measurement was only used by them whilst weaving using their fingers, which meant that 1 hanga is the equivalent of 1 ft.

The term ‘artists’ itself is a broad term to describe the type of indigenous art the kau fefine made, because they don’t take the form of drawing on canvases or fine arts but rather they are employed in making traditional koloa and handicrafts.

Thus the name for this domain came about. This blog is my spacious room, my falehanga to store all of my thoughts and writings equivalent to a Tongan koloa. It is a place of purpose and commitment, a platform to cultivate and maintain my most prized koloa – my experiences and my journey as a fefine Tonga.

 

 

I have a confession to make.

It may seem like an inconsequential confession to some; but unbeknownst to you, this has been one of the prevalent reasons why I struggled as a College Student. Falling short of an A+ and only getting an A, would be and IS blamed on this.

The confession?

I have a phobia of asking questions. [Self-diagnosed of course!]

LOL jokes. kinda.

A few Sundays ago we had our Sunday School Council, and we talked about the importance of asking inspired questions. As a Sunday school teacher, I am encouraged to ask inspired questions during my lesson because it is “an invitation to learners to discover gospel truths on their own and to evaluate their understanding of and commitment to those truths.” When I’m in my teacher role, I absolutely have no problem asking questions. It’s when the roles are reversed and I become the student, that it’s hard for me to ask questions.

It has the ability to make me feel stupid! I know, I know, it sounds so shallow but it really does have the ability to make me feel incredibly stupid!

And so you’re probably thinking, “Yes! I feel the same way too!” or you may be thinking, “What a dumb confession!” Lol But let me tell you why.

Yes, I’ve heard of the adage, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” Fine. But let me tell you that is not how I feel at the time. As such, I’ve realized that over the years, the older I got, the less and less I would ask questions. Maybe it stems from my cultural upbringing, where it’s considered taboo or rude for a child to question their elders.

Faka’apa’apa [to be respectful, humble and considerate] in the Tongan culture is an important quality practiced at a young age. Oftentimes, we’re taught that when you’re asking a question you’re questioning authority or the elders, parents and those who are supposed to ‘know’ more than you do. It is rarely perceived as a process of development of knowledge, clarification or understanding.

So, growing up, if you weren’t asking questions as a means to clarify or elaborate you were either seen as “fiepoto” or “kaimumu’a” [a know it all]. Although education is highly valued in the Tongan culture, the act in itself to get an education can either be regarded between ambition and humility. And, so the same can be said when asking questions. Its lack thereof has the ability to limit your skill to critical thinking, and independent expression – both of which goes against the cultural values of “faka’apa’apa” [to be respectful, humble and considerate].

It is often a constant debate in my head whenever I feel the need to ask a question. I would always go over it in my mind – rewording it – and making sure that it was a ‘good’ question before I ‘asked’ it. Lol

You know, the funny thing is, children seem to have this natural gift of asking questions so uninhibitedly. I mean, they don’t give a rats a** if the question sounds stupid or that it’ll make them look like an idiot. In fact, children seem to have this gift of asking questions in abundance. They always seem to have a million and one question about everything! “Why is the sky blue? Why are you wearing those ugly earrings? Why are the trees green? Why are you fat? Why did Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall?” And, don’t you hate it when you’re gathered in a public place or in a midst of A LOT of people and a child asks you a weird/awkward question? LOL And you’re thinking, “Arrrgghh, can you shut the hell up?! Doesn’t your Mom teach you any manners?” hahahaha *No this has never happened to me!* lol

When my family and I migrated to Fiji for Mom’s schooling, my sister (Mona) and I started primary school together. We didn’t know a lick of English at the time other than the basics such as, ‘Hello’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Bye’ and ‘Please’. I was at the time probably 6years old and Mona was 8years old and so we were put into two different classes – Mona in the 4^th grade and I was in the 2^nd grade.

During class, the teacher would teach the lesson and then proceed to ask the children questions. None of the kids in my class would put their hands up to answer the questions except for yours truly! Hahaha What made it worse – or funny – take your pick, was that my response was ALWAYS in Tongan! Hahaha He would ask the question in English and I would answer back in Tongan. Sometimes, – well every time – I wanted to ask a question, I wouldn’t hesitate to put my hand up and ask the question – even if it was in Tongan. Lol. I didn’t care whether I looked stupid in front of my classmates or the mere fact that the teacher himself didn’t seem to understand a single word I said! Hahaha

That continued for the first few months; and because I was making vast progress {or I was just incredibly smart} hahaha  – the school decided I should skip two grades and be in the same class as Mona.

Reflecting on that experience, I’ve realized that as I got older, I’ve lost that uninhibited ability to not only ask, but to expect answers. Even the Savior made it clear in the scriptures about how he felt about asking questions: “Ask and ye shall receive.” Sweet, short and simple and to the point!

Asking a question requires a degree of vulnerability and confidence. Vulnerability because you must humble yourself and become ‘vulnerable’ to admit that you need help; and confident because you expect there will be an answer.

I also have two amazing little humans who look up to me as an example, and so to create future critical thinkers both at home and at school, I need to start allowing them the space to freely express themselves without this ‘cultural’ buzzer going off every time they ask me a question.

 

 

Such a simple question, yet when it was asked of me today I felt somewhat ashamed. lol

I went to the staff room to warm up my left over pork chops LOL and kumala that I had brought from home for lunch and was pleasantly surprised to see my co-worker in the staff room warming up her food as well. She had her lunch in one of those big fancy containers that held several other smaller sized containers. I mean it just looked very put together and very fancy! Mines was in a huge Tupperware container (and I had to bring the biggest one because I needed room to cut up my pork chops, you know?! lol) that was wrapped in a Safeway plastic bag. lol

So imagine my surprise when she turned around to ask, “Hey Pele, what’s for lunch?” I hesitated for a minute, contemplating whether to tell her a lie or not… telling her that I had brought a salad (or a sandwich) but I knew that if I did, she might ask me further questions like, “Oh what kind of salad do you have?” or “What kind of sandwich did you make?” Because, if she did – I probably would’ve caved and just said, “Ok Ok Ok – I lied, I brought pork chops!” LOL

After she warmed up her food and left, I went back to my office to eat my lunch behind closed doors. But as I was sitting there eating my pork chops, I thought about how this isn’t the first time I’ve been ashamed of what I had brought for lunch.

In my primary school years, my Dad was the stay at home “mom” while my mom went to school. We had just moved to Fiji and trying to make friends and fit in seemed so hard at first. My Dad was responsible for packing our lunches and I remember during lunch break, we all sat together under this big pavilion eating our lunch. The kids around me took out their lunches and they ALL had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, with fruits, cheese and chips etc. I remember thinking, “oh wow! I must’ve missed the memo that today was bring peanut-butter-sandwiches-day!” I slowly reached inside my bag to grab my lunch out and the girl sitting next to me asked, “Hey, what did you bring for lunch?” I remember sheepishly answering, “I don’t know. My Dad packed my lunch” and opening my lunch box to find our left over lu and manioke from the night before inside.

I don’t remember if I ever did tell my Dad, but he continued to put our left over dinner into our lunch boxes and I remember just before school started I would quickly eat my lunch and then when lunch time came around I just choose to go play instead! lol

Anyways, I find myself consciously doing the same thing when I’m packing my kids lunch for the day. I spend so much time (and money) planning in advance what it is I need to buy in terms of snacks, chips & yogurt for the kids, because I fear if I pack our left over dinner for lunch, that they would be mocked because of it!

What I’m trying to say is that, even though I felt somewhat ashamed that I brought pork chops for lunch, it didn’t stop me from inhaling it. LOL What can I say, it was a dang gooooood pork chop! 🙂 And now, I’m ready to go into food coma and wake up for dinner tonight. lol jokes!

 

Paane and I went on a date last night, probably our first date sans kids in … geez  I don’t even remember! It really has been quite T H A T long lol We realized how much we took for granted those free babysitting services made available to us in Sacramento when we moved here to Arizona. So when his parents visited for a whole week to spend Halloween with us, we made sure that we took advantage of the opportunity! I mean, it was great!

I always look forward to going on date nights because Paane and I get to really keep things real! Lol Apart from having fun, the laughter, being lovey dovey and all the hoopla’s, we really take the opportunity to call out each other’s crap shortcomings AND discuss ways to better improve on our mistakes. We get to talk about our goals, visions and ambitions. We discuss gospel related matters; budgets; parenthood failures; small and big victories – both at home and at work. We talk about our ideals, values, and then discuss various ways on how to become more engaged in our marriage. Because I mean, let’s face it, marriage is hard! The only way to make sure that we’re successful at it is to continuously work on our communication.

Earlier this week as we were winding down for the night, Paane and I were both in bed with our phones glued to our faces & busily catching up on social media. Sad right?! Well unbeknownst to me, the kids had sneaked in to join us in bed and so when they did, Paane stopped whatever it was that he was doing to play with the kids. I think Paane got irritated by the fact that I was still so oblivious to the fact that he was playing with the kids, and that I was still busy catching up on snapchat and Instagram – that he said something to me that came across as being hurtful and mean. So instead of replying back civilly (civically)? eh whatever… I told him that he was such a bigoted condescending f tool! That just because he was doing the right thing does not give him the right to talk to me like that!

I mean, talk about 0-100 reaaaaaal quick! LOL

 

I remember immediately having that tit-for-tat rightness attitude and feeling very prideful because I wasn’t ready yet to admit that I could be wrong and couldn’t get myself to simply admit, “I’m sorry, I’m in the wrong here”. So instead, I rolled over and immediately fell asleep. Oh, such is the hard truths about marriage! lol

Anyways, when we went on our date last night – he called me out on that! Lol The hardest thing about date nights for me, and I’ve continued to learn this when married to Paane, is that when he calls me out on my crap during date nights, it forces me to address it right at that very moment. Because usually, I am known for running away from every single argument we have. One of the biggest thing I love about Paane is his ability to swallow his pride, and consistently follows me into the next room and then pries every difficult thought and word out until we’re both content. And then he’s usually the first one to say sorry; a skill after 5 years of marriage I’m still learning to master! ;-]

My biggest tip to anyone thinking of going on a date, whether you’re single or married, is to really take the time to have those difficult discussions. Yes, having fun is important especially when you’re dating-to-get-married – but it’s also equally important that you begin to have those difficult discussions during date nights. Oftentimes, you don’t necessarily have to wait until date nights/companionship inventory to address those issues – because it’s best to address them as they happen. However way you do it, I promise you that once you start to talk through them and you begin to realize your weakest and most vulnerable moments, you will come out of it not only developing a deeper love for your husband but also an even greater strength to endure [him & marriage] … until the next date night!

*totally kidding*

lol

We really do have some of the best fun date nights, right Hun?! lol ❤

I haven’t posted in here for a while now – and my friends, so much has happened since the last time I wrote. No, we didn’t add another kid to the mix! lol We have however, added unwanted inches to our waistline; made [new] life long friends; changed careers; and traveled across country to see some of the most beautiful parts of America.

Were currently here in Detroit, Michigan for Paane’s work training until the end of July and then we get to relocate again to Arizona where hopefully we get to settle down for a little while. Anyways, on Monday I got a phone call from one of the Relief Society Presidencies asking me if I could become a substitute teacher and teach this upcoming 3rd Sunday. I mean, last Sunday was the first time we attended our ‘ward’ so I must’ve left a really [bad] good first impression to be given the opportunity to teach, right?! lol

As I was reading the lesson, it became apparent to me WHY I needed to teach this particular lesson. Heavenly Father was really rebuking me for neglecting to remember the ‘simple’ things. Right at the beginning of the lesson it says, “The more surely you rear your children in the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ, with love and high expectation, the more likely that there will be peace in our lives.” I mean, WOW! I will admit that I am the type of mother that at the end of the day, if we survived it with just the ‘bare minimum[s]’ then I’m good with that… bare minimum[s] like, if the kids get to brush their teeth for the day – that’s a miracle in itself! lol If we get to go outside and enjoy the sunshine in the heat – even for just 5 minutes, I’m counting that as a slam dunk! If by the end of the night my kids are already in bed and it took me hours to get them down [and somehow amiss the chaos we forgot to say prayer], I’m not going to wake them up JUST to say prayers… like you know?! Anyways, then I read about the kind of ‘peace’ Heavenly Father blesses our lives with if we live simply the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I felt like a total failure again.

I know Heavenly Father blesses my life – even when I try to just get by with the bare minimum[s].

I remember one time, Sosaia got a rock stuck up his nose. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when he ran in opening the drawers, picking up a fork and then casually inserting it through his nostrils. Shocked by what I was just seeing, I asked him what he was doing. He said he was trying to get the rock out. I looked inside his nose and sure enough, lodged right inside his left nostril was this huge pebble! I tried not to panic – so I grabbed my tweezers [I know lol] and tried to take it out. It didn’t work. So I panicked. I ran into the gym to call on Paane and frantically told him what had happened. We tried EVERYTHING, but to no avail. Paane suggested we take him to the hospital.

We had no insurance at the time, our car was sitting on empty with no gas money, and we had just depleted whatever money we had saved to fix the AC in our car – so we really had no money. I remember, that past Sunday I was contemplating on paying our tithing because it meant that I had no ‘cushion’ to fall back on if we had any emergency during the week [and it would be my luck that I would have an emergency during the week lol].

When Paane suggested we go to the urgent care, I told him “that’s fine, but will we make it with the gas we have?” He suggested that we go anyways. We said a quick prayer, and I remember specifically asking for comfort that things will be okay but that he also provides a way for us to just get by. Nothing major. At the local urgent care, they told us that because of the severity of the situation, we needed to go to the Children’s hospital in Downtown and see an ENT Specialist. We barely made it to the Hospital with the gas we had. Because we had no cash on hand and couldn’t afford parking, I dropped off Sosaia and Paane to the front door of the ER and then drove to the nearest neighborhood block to park the car for free. I remember it was a really hot day! Luna and I sat in the car for a good 15 minutes before we left to walk to the hospital. I was realllllllly feeling alone, terrified and depressed that I was in such a predicament. But, I knew I needed to go check on Sosaia, so I got out and started pushing Luna in the stroller.

Feeling so depressed, I just let my head hang low and kept saying to myself, “it’s going to be OKAY! it’s going to be OKAY…” I just remember thinking to myself that, for a very busy hospital – no one was walking around, except for a few cars driving by – but there really wasn’t anyone around! As I was walking, I noticed $10 by my feet. Such an under statement, but imagine my surprise! I stopped, looked around [no one], then slowly looked UP as if to say to Him, really?!! I slowly picked up the money and continued walking. A few steps further, I notice $20 and then another, and another, and some more further down… I just kept collecting the money – and gripping it so tightly! I picked up several more by the curb sidewalk. I looked around again, and still NO ONE was within sight! I was trembling, and if you had seen me at that VERY moment, you would’ve thought I saw a ghost.

When I got to the hospital room to Paane and Sosaia, I immediately burst into tears telling Paane what had just happened. We counted the money and we had a total of $160. We were able to put gas in our car to take us home – and more than enough to buy groceries for the week.

I know for a fact Heavenly Father gave us that experience to teach ME [if not, Paane and I] a few lessons. I was so content with just the bare minimum of things that it had begun to seep through the spiritual aspects of my life. I was content with paying tithing JUST BECAUSE, but never with the full expectation of the blessings I could receive. I was content with just saying our prayers when we remembered [and when it was convenient for us] but never made the effort to do it frequently. I was okay with the fact that if I ‘supposedly’ forgot to pay my tithing on Sunday, I can use it during the week for emergencies. That gave me peace, or so I thought! But real peace comes only from Him when we live the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

I saw this a few days ago in my facebook news feed and I couldn’t stop laughing!

I remember the first year Paane and I got married we moved from our one bedroom apartment to a basement apartment with two bedrooms because we were expecting our first baby. Paane worked endless graveyard shifts to be able to make ends meet and because I didn’t have my legal residency at the time, I couldn’t work to help him out. Anyways, I was gearing towards the last few weeks of my pregnancy and I was craving some Tongan food. Paane suggested that we stop by at his cousin’s wedding that evening to see if they had Tongan food.

So, we got ready, we drove to the wedding and lo and behold they had Tongan food. We sat with some of our friends at a table when the bride performed her Tongan dance. Paane looked at me as if to say, “Hey can I go fakapale?” [fakapale in Tongan is when you show love and support by putting money on the dancer]. I gave him the ‘eye’ as if to say no. He reached into his wallet and pulls out a $10 and at which point, my eyes just became wider than before – and if anyone was specifically looking at us, they would’ve seen smoke coming out of my ears and nostrils! Paane slowly stashed away the $10 and we just watched the bride for the remainder of her dance.

When the wedding was over, Paane went around to say goodbye to his family and friends and introduced me to a few of his family members who came from out of town. He leaned over and whispered, “Can we go say bye to the bride and groom?” I hesitated because they were still sitting at the front table and I didn’t want to waddle with my big stomach in front of everyone [who was still seated eating their food], so I just told him to go ahead without me.

We rushed home after the wedding because Paane needed to get ready for his graveyard shift and so we didn’t have time to stop at the gas station to put gas in the car. I knew he had $110 cash left in his wallet [since he didn’t get to fakapale with the $10], so I asked him to just stop by at the gas station on his way to work and put gas in the car. Paane looked at me almost with this puzzled look and said, “Okay, but with what money?” I told him to just use the $100 he had and he responded that he didn’t have it anymore!

As it turns out, while I was too shy to go with him to say goodbye to the bride and groom he felt ‘obligated’ to gift the bride and groom the $100 he had!

I mean, I must come off as a cold hearted cow right now, but in my head I was thinking, “If I almost had a heart attack with him trying to give away $10, what makes him think it was okay for him to give away $100?” It just was a whole bizarre situation to me, and I felt like I literally was going to give birth right then and there because I was just fuming mad at this point!

My poor husband went to work that night probably feeling overwhelmed at how that one hunnit situation escalated so fast. lol

But if you know my Husband, you’ll know that that is just who he is. We will forever go broke because of his generosity lol and I absolutely love that about him, but c’mon, sometimes the struggle is TOO real these days and if you got that one hunnit and fiddy dollars left to last you the next paycheck, you’d understand why I was fuming mad! lol